Reporter: Tara Brown
Producer: Stephen Taylor, Sandra Cleary
There's not a husband in sight. They're single mums and proud of it.
They're also well-educated, successful and prepared to pay for what they want and what they want most is a baby.
So, with no sign of Mr Right on the radar and their biological clocks ticking away, they're going it alone. Giving the blokes a miss. And these days, that's not as difficult as it sounds.
First, you go shopping on line for the sperm donor of your choice. Blue eyes, tick. Blond hair, tick. High IQ, tick again.
Then, well, we'll leave the details till later. Let's just say, this new form of DIY – do-it-yourself motherhood is thriving.
NB: It is not legal for single women in Victoria and South Australia to use Fertility Clinics for assisted reproduction unless those women are infertile.
Contacts and information
For more information about Louise Sloan's book go to www.knockyourselfup.com
For more information on fertility options, go to:
NSW: www.fertilityfirst.com.au
Queensland: www.qfg.com.au
Single Mothers by Choice Australia is a national support group with regular meetings in most capital cities.
www.smcaustralia.org
www.xytex.com
Full transcript
OLIVIA HILL: Is that the leg kicking?
TARA BROWN: And you're sure you don't want to know the sex of the baby?
OLIVIA HILL: Yes.
TARA BROWN: For single woman, Olivia Hill, the sex of her unborn baby is the only part of her pregnancy that hasn't been planned. In July, this healthy little heartbeat will be either David or Gemma but there won't be a daddy in the delivery room. Olivia has chosen to be a do-it-yourself mum using anonymous donated sperm.
OLIVIA HILL: This is cool. Were going to play draw the father at my baby shower. Instead of draw the baby, we're going to draw the father. I tried lots of different avenues to find a partner and couldn't find the right person and then I sort of, a couple of years ago I thought, "No, no, I'm going to find out if I can do this on my own."
TARA BROWN: With her own dancing singing and acting studio here in Brisbane, Olivia has a lot of experience with kids... ..but like more and more women its her experience with men that's left her frustrated.
OLIVIA HILL: It's not that I have any trouble attracting guys, like if I go out there's no problem finding a guy. It's finding the right guy. It's finding a guy that I would want to be a father to my children that has been the hard bit, not finding any guy.
TARA BROWN: So, you are choosy?
OLIVIA HILL: I am choosy and I am hard work. I can see how I'm intimidating to men.
TARA BROWN: More than anything Olivia wants to be a mum and like a growing number of women who have everything but a partner she sought the help of a sperm bank. She chose this man, the father of her child, from a list of profiles. So, he ticks all the boxes? Did he get 'A' grades or what?
OLIVIA HILL: He was the best of the options, yeah.
TARA BROWN: And what about in the looks department? Did you ask any questions there?
OLIVIA HILL: Um, you get a description. Mum wanted long eyelashes. This one's got long eyelashes. He's got dimples. Like there were quite a few physical characteristics and I thought, "That's nice."
TARA BROWN: It's come down to literally shopping around to create your own baby. It sounds a bit weird, but more and more Australian women are doing it. Finding daddies for their kids by tapping away on the Internet. There are hundreds of sperm banks with websites where you get to select the characteristics you want. On some sites, pay a bit more, and you get more information. And remember, this is a business, so pay even more and you can guarantee your sperm comes with a PHD. It was three years ago when Brisbane woman, Susan Anderson was given her donor checklist, and just over 12 months later, Brodie was born.
SUSAN ANDERSON: It is interesting that he has got Scottish ancestry on grandfather's side because that's probably where the red hair came from.
TARA BROWN: When selecting who would be Brodie's father, Susan had some specifics in mind. And this man's profile best met her requirements.
SUSAN ANDERSON: I was mainly looking for someone with olive skin because I'm so fair and someone that was very easy going.
TARA BROWN: Well, you have a child which red hair and fair skin. So what are the chances of Brodie being easy-going ?
SUSAN ANDERSON: Well, the family says he throws tantrums but as his mother I don't see it.
TARA BROWN: Susan Anderson is 40 now and her path to motherhood has been a wonderful success. Every time she looks at Brodie, she knows, as a single woman, she has a strange it to think. Like so many other independent, successful, career women, Susan has had everything but luck in love.
SUSAN ANDERSON: We are not dog-ugly. Most of us are well educated, most of us have our own house. We are financially independent. We are just great girls but unfortunately we don't know where the fellas are.
TARA BROWN: And that brings us to America and 27-year-old Daniel. This part-time fireman from Augusta, is also a sperm donor and because of the shortage of Australian donors he's helping Australian women make their families. In fact, Daniel's in such hot demand this is the motorbike sperm bought. What do you think your greatest selling point is?
DANIEL: I'm tall and I've got blue eyes, so I don't think it hurts, hah. These women, I think they want to have intelligent good-looking children. TARA BROWN: And you're the package?
DANIEL: Well, I like to think so, I like to think so.
TARA BROWN: Daniel makes three donations a week to the local Xytex Sperm Bank, a major supplier of sperm to Australia. He's been doing it for the last three years, motivated mostly by a desire to help childless women. And helping he is. He'll only stop when he reaches the legal limit in the US of 40 kids. How successful have you been?
DANIEL: I have 28 as at last count.
TARA BROWN: 28 children?
DANIEL: Yeah, It's almost surreal. So, you know, as I said, I don't have 28 kids sitting in the room with me that I've got my arm around, so it's kind of, ah, you can be detached a little bit about it but I, but it wouldn't bother me to have 40, I don't think 40 is that much crazier than 28.
TARA BROWN: It all sounds crazy though, doesn't it?
DANIEL: I know, I know it does and it took a lot of getting used to.
LOUISE SLOAN: So, this is one of the tanks, like the ones I would have shipped to me? Uhm, so, yeah, it looks kind of like a bomb.
TARA BROWN: A baby bomb?
LOUISE SLOAN: Yeah, (chuckles).
TARA BROWN: In America, the business of single women having babies is booming, and like Australia, it's not by one-night stands but by sperm banks. The big difference here, is you can have your sperm home-delivered.
LOUISE SLOAN: And then in here is where the vials of sperm are kept. Ah, and there's a vial in here.
TARA BROWN: Louise Sloan had a number of sperm tanks sent to her New York home as she tried desperately to become a mum.
LOUISE SLOAN: So you put the syringe and you draw the semen in and then you sort of do the deed.
TARA BROWN: And hope?
LOUISE SLOAN: And that's it, and hope. Cross your fingers and toes.
TARA BROWN: Cross your legs?
LOUISE SLOAN: Yeah, cross your legs, yeah, that might help, I don't know.
LOUISE SLOAN: Technically, it's artificial insemination but for 42-year-old author Louise, with time running out, she didn't care how it happened - as long as it happened. Thankfully it did. After 14 tries, the very cute Scott was made. At 18 months, he's too young to ask about daddy but Louise knows the question will come. What are you going to tell Scott about who his dad is?
LOUISE SLOAN: Well, I'm going to say, "He's a nice guy who helped me bring him into this world."
TARA BROWN: So do you call him donor or daddy - what do you call him?
LOUISE SLOAN: I think I'll mostly use donor but also father. I mean obviously he's the biological father of Scott, so father's a perfectly appropriate word in my book but I think donor makes it a little clearer.
TARA BROWN: Donor or daddy? It's just one of the issues being grappled with by this new style of family.
LOUISE SLOAN: I was like, wow, there are other normal people just like me out there doing this.
TARA BROWN: There are groups of women like this all over America and Australia who call themselves single mothers by choice. But they say there really was no choice driven by an overwhelming desire for children, a ticking biological clock and no man, they had to go it alone.
LOUISE SLOAN: I would say most of them are looking for Mr Right. Some of them thought they had Mr Right and it didn't work out or Mr Right didn't want to have children.
TARA BROWN: And why did you wait so long?
LOUISE SLOAN: Because I didn't want to be a single mum.
TARA BROWN: As Louise Sloan knows, being a single mum isn't easy. Made all the harder by the social stigma that goes with it. So she decided to write a book about it. Her bestseller, 'Knock Yourself Up' is a humorous, empowering account of what women like her face. but her critics were not amused. What sort of things were written?
LOUISE SLOAN: That me and single mums like me who've made this choice are a bunch of selfish, irresponsible rich women. Who haven't given a thought to what the child will think and are anti-dad and anti-man and are having children as a lifestyle accessory much like an expensive pair of shoes or a handbag. And haven't given much thought to what the child might want and what the child might need.
TARA BROWN: It is a modern girls' dilemma, that's come with the 'Sex in the City' lifestyle. 38-year-old Jamie Levine is childrens book buyer, in Manhattan, But when she got wacked by the maternal urge she withdrew savings from one bank and bought sperm from another. Now she is also a mum to nine-month-old Jayda and has absolutely no regrets for having a baby without a dad. When the urge is so great, is it humanely possible for you to even consider whether this is the right thing for the potential baby?
JAMIE LEVINE: Mmm, I'd like to think, I mean, I think I have so much love to give her and I want her so much that it will be OK.
TARA BROWN: Hopefully, because the bottom line is - you don't really know, do you?
JAMIE LEVINE: No, and but there, but there are families that kids that come from parents who are, you know, happily married and, you know, it's a Brady Bunch kind of family and some of them are screwed up too, so you never know.
TARA BROWN: Is your urge, your desire a greater thing than the child's need to have a dad in their life?
JAMIE LEVINE: It is a big concern that I carry with me. Because it was such a huge decision to make for a little boy, that he didn't have a say in the decision
TARA BROWN: Back in Australia, the law says when Brodie turns 18, he'll be able to contact the man who helped make him, if he so wants. Until then, that man will only be known as his donor. In your household, do you just wanted to be natural that Daddy is a donor But how do you make that a natural part of everyday life.
SUSAN ANDERSON: I look at Brodie sometimes. And on certain days and at certain times there is this essence of a person that I get a glimpse of and I think that is the donor. That is what the donor looks like. So I say to him, "That's the donor look."
TARA BROWN: Is any part of you concerned that these children are being brought into a world without fatherly figures, without dads?
DANIEL: I do believe that, I mean, in 99% of the cases, if you ask these children, when they're old enough to answer, they will say that I'm glad to be alive to begin with, Which they wouldn't be - without this process. Uhm, would it be more optimal if they did have a father? Absolutely.
TARA BROWN: Daniel is prepared to meet all the children he will father if they wish to meet him. One day that could mean a call from Australia. Right now Australia is Zytex's fastest-growing customer with more and more single women seeking American sperm. Now when you're in this setting and you're seeing pictures of your baby, do you get any twinges about not having somebody to share it with, not having dad here next to you?
OLIVIA HILL: No.
TARA BROWN: Not the tiniest twinge?
OLIVIA HILL: No.
TARA BROWN: For Olivia Hill, it's made her dream of a family even without a partner - possible. Is there anything about what you're doing, doing all this on your own, that scares you?
OLIVIA HILL: Um, I think having a baby is scary for anybody. It's a massive responsibility and it's really the most important thing any of us can do.
TARA BROWN: Doesn't scare you off?
OLIVIA HILL: No, it doesn't scare me. I can't wait.
