Hopelessly Devoted

Producer: Hugh Nailon

It's one of those eternal questions. Why do women stay in violent relationships?

It's a question Ray Martin wanted to put to Kate Neilson, the long-suffering girlfriend of disgraced football star Wayne Carey.

Ever since these two got together, it's been a disaster, their private lives a very public soap opera.

Violent, drug-fuelled arguments - run-ins with the cops.

And then there was that infamous fight in a Miami hotel where a glass somehow smashed on Kate's face.

Well, having hit rock bottom, Neilson and Carey are now in rehab, they're starting over, trying to turn around their troubled lives.

Transcript

PHOTOGRAPHER: Beautiful, relax your lips, just put them together.

RAY MARTIN: She's the long-legged lady from Launceston, in Tassie. PHOTOGRAPHER: That's it, that's it - look at that. Good. Alright, here we go. You love this don't you?

KATE NEILSON: What girl doesn't love being pampered.

RAY MARTIN: A stunning 26-year-old. Kate Neilson is a professional model she has done glossy magazine photos TV shows and even a movie. You look so fit and healthy, though.

KATE NEILSON: Thanks, Ray.

RAY MARTIN: Apart from being beautiful. Was there a time in all that chaos when you didn't feel beautiful, when you didn't feel beautiful, when you felt ugly?

KATE NEILSON: I felt ugly inside and out and it was not a nice way to feel and it was time to pull the plug on what I was doing Absolutely - not that long ago.

RAY MARTIN: What she was doing was cocaine - Kate was addicted. So in desperation, she checked into a Sydney rehabilitation clinic. It was five weeks of isolation. When was the last time you had cocaine?

KATE NEILSON: 76 days clean in rehabilitation. Each day's a blessing that you're clean and if you can stay clean for 76 days - that's something to brag about.

RAY MARTIN: She's refreshingly honest and down-to-earth. What's given Kate Neilson notoriety, even a certain mystery, is the fact she is the girlfriend of Wayne Carey. Until now, she's never spoken about their turbulent relationship.

KATE NEILSON: Wayne and I, with a cocktail of drugs and us, was lethal. We were fuelling each other and we've proved it doesn't work. This is not a normal relationship, normal people don't go through this crap that we're going through.

RAY MARTIN: This North Melbourne footy legend has been arrested twice in recent months. Kate Neilson has also been in the middle of it - in the headline tangle of booze, drugs and emotional chaos.

KATE NEILSON: We weren't good for each other at all. We were living a lifestyle that was unhealthy. We were mixing in circles, partying. Doing things like that was basically destroying, not only our health, but also relationship.

RAY MARTIN: But unless you're in denial your past behaviour together would indicate you're not good for each other?

KATE NEILSON: Yeah, I understand that. A lot the incidents that have been printed in the media and the headlines are incidents that have all been fuelled by... based around partying...

RAY MARTIN: And cocaine?

KATE NEILSON: Cocaine.

RAY MARTIN: Kate, women who have read the headlines, who have heard the talkback radio, would say, "What are you doing with this bloke? "Why do you live with this bloke?"

KATE NEILSON: I believe everyone can change. I mean everyone's got two sides to them and I have seen a really, really good side to Wayne, that has nothing to do with drugs or anything like that, that is clean, healthy, happy... ..and that is the side I want to see all the time.

RAY MARTIN: Wayne Carey was simply the best winning premierships, captaining the all-Australian team. On the footy field, Carey was King. Off the field he had form of a very different kind, including a conviction for indecent assault and a dangerous liaison with Kelli Stevens - his vice-captain's wife.

WAYNE CAREY: I'm an expert in self-sabotage.

RAY MARTIN: You think you've done a number on yourself, do you?

WAYNE CAREY: I think I have done a pretty good number on myself over the years.

RAY MARTIN: What do you think, though, when you see the photographs of you - the capsicum spray, the handcuffs, etc. with police. Do you think it is madness?

WAYNE CAREY: I'm embarrassed.

RAY MARTIN: Amazingly, he was forgiven by footy fans and by his wife. Wayne and the long-suffering Sally celebrated the birth of their daughter, Ella. But, within weeks the marriage had collapsed. And shortly after Kate and Carey became an item.

RAY MARTIN: Did your affair break up his marriage with Sally?

KATE NEILSON: Absolutely not.

RAY MARTIN: Despite what been written, it hadn't begun two weeks after the birth of Ella?

WAYNE CAREY: No.

RAY MARTIN: So, categorically, there was no affair when you split?

WAYNE CAREY: No.

RAY MARTIN: Kate Neilson was literally the girl next door. She lived in the same street. She was a blonde in those days, an old friend who became the live-in lover. Wayne gave up football and took up cocaine instead.

WAYNE CAREY: When drugs were involved, when cocaine was involved you would have a line, it is embarrassing me to even say "Have a line". It just sounds terrible. I am embarrassed to even say it. And once you had one you had to have two, three, four and it was... there's no moderation once that had started.

KATE NEILSON: I was out of control, yes. I didn't know when to stop. I couldn't say no. I would have to continue until there was nothing or until I couldn't... there were no ways of getting more.

RAY MARTIN: In January this year, at Carey's Port Melbourne home, police shut down a bad drug party with capsicum spray and handcuffs. It seemed Wayne's world had hit rock bottom.

WAYNE CAREY: We were good for a fair while, and then it wasn't until that night that we had another explosion. Now, if didn't get taken to the police station that night after I called the police and got arrested more than likely I'd be in Melbourne now organising a party for this weekend.

RAY MARTIN: You'd still be on drugs?

WAYNE CAREY: And I'd still be doing what I was doing.

KATE NEILSON: It was like a wake-up call.

WAYNE CAREY: Who is to stop you, who was stopping us? pause

RAY MARTIN: But there was worse to come. News suddenly broke that three months before Melbourne there was Miami. Another Wayne and Kate binge that erupted into violence. That melee ended in police arrest, assault charges and Kate with a cut lip, covered in blood. Wayne says it was an accident. The police say that you told them that he smashed your lip. There is a big difference between that. Are they lying, or did you exaggerate?

KATE NEILSON: I saw it as an accident. That he actually cut me - his behaviour was totally inappropriate. He'd had too much to drink, and throwing any kind of wine glass over a partner is absolutely unacceptable in every way.

RAY MARTIN: So why did you put up with it? Why didn't you leave?

KATE NEILSON: Because I knew that it was fuelled by drugs and alcohol and I know that it never... it has never ever happened when he's been sober and he is a completely different person.

RAY MARTIN: And next month, that 'different person' could be sentenced to jail in Miami. Wayne has always looked after his powerful body. but now, he is trying to get emotionally fit as well. He's begun regular psychotherapy. It has taken a lifetime, but for the first time he now accepts that the relationship Kate called volatile, was also violent. Did Wayne ever hit you?

KATE NEILSON: Um, ah... he has he has pushed me, yeah.

RAY MARTIN: But not hit you?

KATE NEILSON: He has never punched me, no.

RAY MARTIN: You've said shouting and screaming, pushing and shoving. Is that violence?

WAYNE CAREY: It is, Ray. Kate and I pushing and shoving one another is violent and it's unacceptable and...

RAY MARTIN: But there's a big difference between that lady pushing you... ..and you as big bloke pushing her?

WAYNE CAREY: Of course there is. I'm understanding more about me and where I'm at and and I certainly understand now that, you know, me yelling and screaming at Kate at close range and her yelling and screaming at me are two different things. I mean, I am 6 foot 4 and 98 kilos. I accept now that that's intimidating and violent and certainly have to take responsibility for that.

RAY MARTIN: Kate and Wayne just had to get away from Melbourne - from the parties, the peer pressure and the cocaine pushers. Ten weeks ago they moved to Queensland - it was all about survival. Did you come to Queensland to escape?

KATE NEILSON: Yes, I was emotionally a wreck.

RAY MARTIN: Suicidal, Wayne, how bad was it?

WAYNE CAREY: I wouldn't say suicidal, Ray, but I would be lying if I said that it doesn't cross your mind. But I, you know, I couldn't do that to my daughter and my family but it definitely crossed my mind.

RAY MARTIN: It is Thursday night in suburban Brisbane. And Wayne Carey the former football superstar is coming here to a local hall for a meeting of Narcotics Anonymous. Our cameras are not allowed inside but tonight Wayne Carey is going to pour his heart out and tell them he's a drug addict.

WAYNE CAREY: There is embarrassment but I think that is the strength of doing these meetings. Is that everyone's in the same boat, there is no judgement. No-one is judging you here, everyone's here for the same reasons and you are there for the support of the people who have been through what you have been through.

RAY MARTIN: Could Wayne Carey have done this six months ago?

WAYNE CAREY: Absolutely not. From what I've been told this is the best thing to stay clean and if it means going in there, telling my story to complete strangers It doesn't matter who I am, I am prepared to do that. While Wayne walks into his first private men's group, Kate walks out of her women's meeting, and she's pumped.

KATE NEILSON: That was really good.

RAY MARTIN: Why was it good?

KATE NEILSON: It is just so rewarding. They say once an addict, always an addict. So, you've just got to stay off it...

RAY MARTIN: And face it?

KATE NEILSON: And accept it. And you can't go back to it because you'll just be an addict relapsing and that is not where I want to be.

RAY MARTIN: Kate insists she is not the innocent victim. She admits that with cocktails and cocaine she is loud and she's physical. And he arcs up at media suggestions that it's all his fault.

KATE NEILSON: I believe that he will change and he has changed.

WAYNE CAREY: This is making out like it's all one way, as if I'm being totally destructive.

RAY MARTIN: So you're saying you think that the drugs made you both act crazy?

KATE NEILSON: Absolutely. I know how Wayne can be or both of us can be when we're not under the influence of any kind of substances and it is a completely different person to when we are.

RAY MARTIN: Kate, you know that experts in domestic violence say that victims always believes the the bloke is going to change. Are you deluding yourself that this bloke's going to change.

KATE NEILSON: I have questioned myself whether he is really going to change or are we just both kidding ourselves, and it wasn't until rehab which is when he basically committed to me and told me that he is going to change. He is going to get help, he is going to see someone.

RAY MARTIN: Kate wants to get back to work modelling and hopefully doing some television. She has got her confidence back.

KATE NEILSON: You know, I feel great. I feel good inside and out for first time in a long time I don't want to stop feeling like this.

RAY MARTIN: Wayne's only football these days is with his nephews. the scandal has cost him his TV job but he has made some smart investments. So the pool is here?

WAYNE CAREY: Yeah, probably a little bit further this way.

RAY MARTIN: Right now, he's working on multi-million dollar developments including a swish, canal house for Kate and himself under the watchful eye of big brother, Dick. Are you going to hold his hand through this are you?

DICK CAREY: Ah, pretty much have to mate, yeah, he's a lot better footballer than he is builder.

RAY MARTIN: Wayne and Kate both talk to us about the changes in this bloke in the last 10 weeks, have you seen it?

DICK CAREY: Oh, definitely. Oh, definitely. He was off the rails there a little bit and he's back on the rails now and heading in the right direction and I'll be there to give him a clip in the ear hole if he runs off again.

RAY MARTIN: But, beyond the building business there is another twist to this soap opera. Wayne now wants to be a drug counsellor.

WAYNE CAREY: I think when I can feel really comfortable with myself again I would like to be able to help others.

RAY MARTIN: What? Wayne Carey the counsellor?

WAYNE CAREY: In some ways, yeah. Yep.

RAY MARTIN: Are you serious?

WAYNE CAREY: Yeah, I am. Having been there done that, I think I can really help a lot of people. pause

RAY MARTIN: Spend some time with Kate and Wayne, and there is no doubt that they're having a go. That they are trying to change some bad habits. Do you love him?

KATE NEILSON: Yes, I do.

RAY MARTIN: Do you love her?

WAYNE CAREY: Yes I do. Big to say that. I haven't said that too many times in public but I can do that now,

RAY MARTIN: But you're clearly on notice.

WAYNE CAREY: Well, we are both on notice with one another. We have got boundaries with one another that if they're crossed then Kate and I won't be together.

RAY MARTIN: Could you see yourself married to this bloke?

KATE NEILSON: Yes. One day maybe.

RAY MARTIN: As they say in the classics - only time will tell. Can you see yourself out here on the sundeck in 20 years time?

KATE NEILSON: Absolutely.

RAY MARTIN: And where will you be?

WAYNE CAREY: Probably next to her, with a nice cold beer.